My mother, a sex educator and couples' psychotherapist, raised my sister and me in a household where conversations about sex were normal during dinner, in the car, over the phone, over IM -- you name it.
Plastic penises, remnants of a workshop at which my mom had recently presented, would hang out in the backseat of her white Mercury Sable station wagon before my sister and I were even teens. We'd look at them like they were part of normal car decor -- like maps, or plastic coffee mugs.
I realize my relationship with my mom is very unlike other ladies' relationships with theirs. For us, sex is not taboo. Frankly, we've likely talked more about sex than we have about why she and my dad divorced. While I don't necessarily go to my mother for position tips or to tell orgasm stories (although I know I could if ever and whenever I wanted to), I am open with her about when I am having it, with whom, and how "good" it is.
Wait. How do I know if I'm having "good" sex? I'm in my twenties. I probably DON'T know yet, and I sure have a lot of learning to do. But what I do know about good sex -- its foundation -- I learned from my mom. And this one-liner I will never forget -- one of those tidbits I've picked up along the way from being a therapist's daughter:
Good sex is feeling good about yourself, about your partner and good about what it is you're choosing to do--before, during and after. And if you can't say that's necessarily true about your sexual encounters, proceed with caution. Because to be fair and true to your partner, that's the minimum. That's your birth right.
What I love about this tidbit of wisdom is that it can apply to a plethora of sexual experiences: hetero-, homo-, bi-, or transsexual; committed or uncommitted; for one night or forever.
We all deserve to be having good sex, regardless of our numbers, our partner, our orientations, or even our locations-of-choice.
So, go forth. Be safe. Have good, maybe even GREAT, sex.