When Barbara Walters interviewed Lady Gaga for her Ten Most Fascinating People of 2009, she admitted to being surprised that the star seemed rather normal. Perhaps this was why she felt the need to take discussions in the direction of the lyrics to “Poker Face”, asking if they mean that Lady GaGa is bisexual.
The singer cleverly avoided the label thrown at her and responded that, yes, she likes women but then Walters asked her interviewee outright if she’s ever had sex with a woman. GaGa retained her composure and admitted to having had sexual relationships with women and, unsurprisingly, it was this snippet of information alone which was picked up by the British paper I was reading earlier this week.
Many people who aren’t bisexual seem to make assumptions on what this means, so no wonder Lady GaGa doesn’t want to be labelled and is trying to explain things rather than give simple answers to questions like that. Straight people often think that no one person can satisfy a bisexual person’s needs so they’ll always be unfaithful, and gay people sometimes think that bisexuals just haven’t made up their minds yet and are keeping their options open. While these can both be true for some people, they most definitely do not apply to all bisexuals.
Bisexuality is attraction to and/or sex with males and females, and this doesn’t have to be a 50/50 thing either. I used to foolishly think that no one could be considered bi if they hadn’t had, or felt they couldn’t have, full blown relationships with anyone they fancied, male or female, but have now realised that nothing to do with sexuality is ever that cut and dried. If you’re a girl who prefers casual sex with men to lasting relationships, that doesn’t stop you being straight, does it?
So if, like Katy Perry, you’ve kissed a girl and liked it but, unlike her, feel that doing it just to impress your boyfriend is incredibly unfair to both yourself and the recipient of your kiss, maybe you’d like some tips on where to go from here to fully explore this area of your sexuality.
I’m not saying you should ditch your boyfriend to try this as I am in no way advocating cheating, but I’m sure there are plenty of single-and-curious BitchBuzz readers as well as some with open-minded boyfriends. Yes, that open-minded! Talk to him and, if he’s OK with the idea, agree some ground rules. Many things are possible in relationships that are strongly built on honesty and you don’t know until you ask, right?
The first thing to remember is that fewer girls are attracted to girls - or feel comfortable admitting/acting on it - than you’d think. Many have also been taught from a young age that all pretty and nice girls are bitches and should be treated like the enemy so, if the girl you like falls into this category, it’s pretty much a lost cause as compliments will get you nothing but suspicion.
If you think there’s a chance that she might be interested, the one thing not to do is try the things many guys do in clubs. Offering to buy a girl a drink or dancing with her to make eye contact would perhaps only work in certain types of bar… if you’re very lucky!
Instead, if it comes up in conversation, mention that you think she's pretty and no, you're not just saying that. OK, so you might have to face rejection if she’s not interested in girls as well as if she’s not interested in you but do remember that, unlike with guys, you’ll have to tell the girl you're attracted to her otherwise she really won't know. She's not going to pick up on subtle signals unless she's looking out for them.
A rather lovely friend of mine summarised her ‘guide to getting girls’ thus:
- Start up a conversation, see if you have anything in common and offer some form of genuine compliment
- Tell her you think she’s awesome/intelligent/cute/sexy
- Don’t do it in a creepy way as she will run a mile!
- Don't force things - take it slowly, especially if she's never been with another girl before.
- Accept that once she's made up her mind she's not going to change it, so stop wasting your time. You're awesome, and if she decides she wants you enough, she will come after you.
Another friend, who I asked while researching this piece, offered up a handy tip for once you’ve got your sexy girl and she’s naked: “make sure your dildos are clean and you have plenty of condoms for them for extra safe sex”.
If you make it that far, a whole new world awaits you… and it’s far more exciting than a few cherry-chapstick-covered kisses.
image via ladygaga.com