Do We Need To Label Our Sexuality?

By Lori Smith

Are you gay, straight or bisexual and, more to the point, should we really care?  Summing up your sexuality in one word has never been trickier.

There are many words that can be used for people's sexual preferences.  Straight, bisexual, kinky, pansexual, monogamous, gay, non-monogamous, heteroflexible, vanilla, polyamorous, queer… whether it's about the type of partner, the number of them, or the sort of things you like to do together, there's a label for pretty much everything.

Although labels can be useful in some situations, they're not always entirely appropriate or helpful.  Did you ever get quizzed by your classmates at school on whether you were gay or straight?  Did you know?  Wouldn't you rather have just worked it out as you go along?

If you choose to define yourself as a lesbian and then, after a series of relationships with women, fall for and marry a man, does that mean your label has changed?  It's tricky to file someone under a new heading, especially when you've known them a while, but our society really does have quite a fondness for labelling.  Sometimes it can be useful, but only if you get to explain yourself further.

I found a piece by Sev on Labels and Sexuality, which contained the following pearl of wisdom: "I am not defined by the labels I choose. Rather, the labels I choose are a place to start when I wish to convey information about myself. If someone wants to start a dialogue with me, I am free to further define what I mean by these terms."

However, many women have decided in recent years that they don't want or need to label their sexuality.  Older bisexuals who have gone through phases of being attracted to different sorts of people throughout their lives have always viewed sexuality as a fluid thing, but younger women are increasingly taking a more flexible approach.

As Miranda Elliot said, in an article on labels for teen site Sex Etc, "How can one word – gay, straight or bi – that never changes describe how complex we are?"  Perhaps we should all just get on with fancying people and forget about what to call it?  If only we weren't asked this sort of thing when filling in forms, we'd never need a word for it.


Lori Smith is a bisexual blogger, collector of labels and BitchBuzz's Sex & Relationships columnist.  She hasn't yet worked out the label for someone who tweets a lot though.


Image via Kasaa's Flickr photostream.

POSTED IN: SEX
Fri, 17 Dec 2010 18:00 (GMT+00)
1 Response
1.

I actually think sexuality is not all that important unless you are looking for a sexual encounter, surely thats the only time a label could be required?. I think its more important if a person is nice or not, can we have a label for that please?

Mark Kerr
Sat, 18-Dec-2010 20:48 GMT

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