There's currently a big trend towards all things ethical. Whether it's food or fashion, if it's Fairtrade, organic or recycled, we will probably take a closer look because going "green" will make us feel better about ourselves. So why don't we do the same with our sex lives?
Many people don't think of sex as something that can be ethical, yet sexual ethics cover a whole host of different subjects relating to human sexual behaviour. Although the Wikipedia page on the topic covers many things that perhaps don't apply to you personally, it does also mention some pretty basic everyday concerns as well as broader issues within modern society. But hey, let's focus on you right now.
Let's start at the very beginning. When you like someone, you flirt with them. Many people maintain a friendly level of flirting with most people they interact with on a reasonably frequent basis. Friends, colleagues, the cutie who makes your latte... these are everyday flirtations that don't necessarily mean anything other than 'I like you and want to make our interactions nicer'. However, when you have a real sexual attraction to someone, things get more tricky.
Is it ethical to flirt with someone when you don't want things to go any further? You might think it's just harmless fun, but taking flirting to the next level can bring with it certain expectations from the person you're focusing your attentions on. Take the lyrics of the Katy Perry song I Kissed A Girl, for instance. Did the girls she mentioned know that her attentions were simply an 'experimental game'? If not, that's a pretty sucky thing to do to someone.
Once you have a loving partner, the next ethical dilemma that sometimes raises its ugly head is infidelity. It may appear, from the amount of coverage that male celebrity infidelity gets in the mainstream media, that anyone in a relationship with a man would find it inadvisable to assume that he is able to remain faithful. Well, I'd just like to say that is a load of utter crap. If you want a monogamous partner and the one you're with doesn't respect that, find someone who does!
OK, so it's not just men who have affairs, but it is worth us all remembering that there are many people in this world who will respect the boundaries you have placed on your relationship and won't go running off and expect to be forgiven. Just because famous blokes seem to do this sort of thing all the time, it doesn't mean that we should all put up with lying and cheating.
Another big ethical issue that a lot of people face is connected with sexual health. This basically all comes down to whether or not you have the guts to be honest with your partner(s). Do you have an infection they might need to know about? Have you/they been tested recently? What are you going to do about contraception? All tricky conversations to have, but you'd better do it if there is something you really should be telling them. No one likes an un-ethical slut.
In short: If you're being honest, you're being ethical. If you have doubts about anything at all, have a conversation with your partner and discuss it fully. Why not skip the injustices of a conventional sex life and move to something that's better for all concerned? It may be hard work at times, but the benefits speak for themselves.
Lori Smith is an ethical non-monogamist with a boyfriend, a blog, and a rather full Twitter feed. She believes that many things can be solved with communication and dreads the day when someone tells her she's started to over use the word honesty
Image via Polska Zielona Sieć's Flickr photostream.