I Kissed a Girl... Because I'm Bisexual

I almost commented on here, and then I didn't and went away, and then I realised that the reason I had *stopped* myself commenting was worthy enough of comment itself, so here I am again...

My initial comment was going to be that, although I've never had a long term relationship with a woman, I have always and will always be attracted to both genders. Yet I don't tick the "bi" box because it's just another label. I have always believed that you fall in love with whomsoever you fall in love with - or lust, as the case may be.

The reason I stopped myself from posting is linked to the fact that I have never had a long term relationship with a woman. Therefore straight, bi and lesbians alike dismiss the fact that I have bi tendencies as irrelevant - I can be a straight woman and a virgin, or a lesbian and a virgin, but if I've never been in a LTR with a woman, I can't be bi. Any sexual encounters I may have enjoyed have been short-lived, and therefore mere "experiments". I am dismissed as a lipstick lesbian, and , yes, as being "greedy".

Also, I am often loathe to share my lust for women with my female friends as it does sometimes cause unecessary tension - the assumption seems to be that if I find women attractive, I must fancy ALL of them!

One evening, my mum, sister and I were discussing relationships. I told them, for the first time, that I am bisexual (though I'd hinted at it before, that was the first time I'd actually said the words). Almost instantly, my sister said "no, you're not. You're straight". It was as if I'd said "I'm a tree!" - the idea of me being bi was an impossibility to her. Then we had the "bisexuality doesn't exist, it just means the person is gay and can't admit it" nonsense. I explained that I do find women sexually attractive, and could happily be in a relationship with another woman, just as I could be with man. But no, sister informed me, in a slow voice usually reserved for foreigners and "simpletons" that I am straight.
My mum said (to sister) "if you're only attracted to men, that's fine. But if you think that your sister shouldn't be with a person she fancies, or loves, just because that person has a vagina, you have a very sad view of the world". I've never loved my mum more than I did at the moment, and I love her to bits anyway!
I felt almost relieved when I first ticked the Bi box on a form; it was a step towards really being me.
Some people have implied that bisexuality is just an attempt to be outrageous and attract attention, which I find really insulting.
Like you, I'm more open about my sexuality online, but have begun to tell my friends, and they're completely unfazed. At college, a few of them snogged each other after their boyfriends "dared" them to. They called me a prude when I pointed out that it wasn't a dare, it was so they'd have something to crack one off over when they got home!

Caroline - Actually, the fact I'd not been in an LTR with a woman and couldn't see myself doing so was the reason I didn't admit to myself that I was bisexual for years. For some reason, I thought that to be bi the attraction had to be completely equal. Thankfully I worked out that wasn't the case but it does mean that I can understand where that view point comes from. Hopefully we can change their minds! Thanks so much for commenting :-)

Melissa - Your mum sounds amazing! Hopefully what she said helped your sister to understand it a bit more. Also, I totally agree about the dares thing. That's what annoyed me about that Katy Perry song. Don't even know your name, it doesn't matter, you're my experimental game... urgh. So it's OK to mess with people's emotions like that?

Love this! I personally believe that there are WAY more people with bisexual tendencies than with straight or gay ones. I've also found that "bisexual" doesn't even mean quite the same thing for all bisexuals. I, personally, am sexually attracted to both men and women (and even trannies, actually), but am almost exclusively romantically attracted to men. The possibility of a romantic relationship with another woman isn't something I rule out, I just have only ever come across maybe two women in my entire life that I've had those inclinations towards.

On the other hand, I have friends (both male and female) who identify as bisexual but are attracted to men and women in varying degrees--with some the attraction is divided equally between the genders, for some they only occasionally have a desire to be with someone of the same sex. Two of my closest female friends are even engaged (to each other), yet the both admit to the occasional sexual attraction to men, and one of them was in a long-term relationship with a man for many years.

I guess my point is that bisexuality, unlike homo or heterosexuality isn't so clearcut, and I think that's what causes a lot of confusion with people. But, like Caroline said, it's just another label, and I completely agree that you fall in love (or lust) with whomever you fall in love (or lust) with, and oftentimes that has more to do with an individual than with that individual's gender.

I especially agree with your statement that "Bisexual people can be monogamous too you know, and they're still bi even if that relationship lasts a lifetime," as with my female friends who plan to spend their lives together but also consider themselves bisexual. My boyfriend is also bisexual, and this "worried" a lot of people when we first got together (surprisingly, even people who knew that I'm bisexual too). The worry, because he's a guy, was mostly that there are a lot of gay men in the South (where we live) that use the term bisexual because it's more comfortable than admitting full-on homosexuality, and because he's had more sexual encounters with men than women, but more romantic encounters with women than men. They seemed to think that either his bisexuality was a facade or that one day the urge to be with a man would be too much and he would cheat on me. Luckily, he and I have been friends for years before taking our relationship further, and I myself wasn't particularly worried about any of that (though I do admit to having a little insecurity (completely stemming from my own body image, etc.) in the beginning that he would be more attracted to me if I was a guy). We are comfortable with each other's attraction to the opposite sex, and in fact are able to talk about members of the opposite sex that we are both attracted to without feelings of jealousy. And we are completely devoted to each other and our relationship.

Being bisexual in a relationship is just like being straight or gay in a relationship. What matters is not the sexual preference of the individuals, but their maturity level, ability to communicate and commitment to each other.

Great article! :)