At this time of year, it’s often tricky to get in the mood. With the dark mornings, the struggle to get out of that cosy warm bed and get ready for work, the cold short days and the seemingly endless readjustment to ‘normal’ life after the new year celebrations, a hot steamy sex session is often the furthest thing from our minds.
When you constantly feel like you need more sleep, that’s the only thing you want to do when you get between the sheets at the end of the day.
Being tired after work never inspires erotic thoughts, and having all the distractions that come with being in your own home at the end of the day doesn’t help either. So, when you want to make time for sex, how on earth do you go about getting yourself in the mood?
It sounds simple, but making time for each other really does help. It’s so easy to think you’re spending time together because you sat on the sofa watching Glee – you for the songs, him for the cheerleaders – but it’s not really quality time, is it? Why not schedule in a ‘date night’ every now and again, even if you live together. This could involve going out for a meal so neither of you is thinking about the cooking or washing up, or perhaps staying at home with a hot bath for two and some music.
It may sound a little clichéd but candles really do work wonders for relaxation. Even if they’re not scented, the low light levels will at least stop you worrying about how you really ought to clean the bathroom more often! Aroma does work as an aphrodisiac. The smells of pumpkin pie, buttered popcorn, lavender and vanilla have all been shown to increase libido, so why not hunt down a scented candle or two in your lunch hour?
Either that or you could rustle up a massive bowl of popcorn one evening and cuddle up on the sofa together to watch a sexy movie like Shortbus. Or perhaps some porn? If you’ve never watched porn together, you really don’t know what you’re missing.
What starts out as nervous giggling over the supposed plot, usually turns into a sort of live re-enactment right there on the sofa. If you don’t have any porn, ask your partner. If you do, don’t be scared about sharing. Perhaps they won’t be as turned on by your favourite scenes as you are but, eventually, you’ll find something you both really love and the results will be fantastic.
Another thing to try is role-play. If you’re nervous about initiating sex, or are just too bogged down in everyday life to fully shake off all your worries, why not invent a confident sexy character that you become instead? If you are in need of a little inspiration for this kind of thing, you really should check out the short story collections from Xcite. I’m not usually a huge fan of erotic books but I really would recommend them for the fantastic variety of subjects and the wonderful imaginations of their writers.
Of course, if you have a bit of money left over after the festive season, the ultimate option is to book a weekend away. It must be scientifically proven somewhere by someone that it is easier to relax and get frisky when you’re away from the DIY you’ve been avoiding, and when someone else has to clean the sheets.
Not that a budget chain hotel located just off the motorway is going to help though – if you’re not in the mood, you need something that will make you both feel sexy again. The absolute ultimate hotel room for this is the Play Room at Brighton’s Hotel Pelirocco. Trust me, I’m fairly sure it would be impossible to stay in that room with someone you were attracted to and not have sex.
Until you get yourselves booked in to a hotel like that though, just try an early night or two at home. What have you got to lose? You’ll get nice and warm, and you’ll almost certainly sleep better afterwards too.
Image via D Sharon Pruitt