So I’m in favour of women’s rights as much as the next girl, but I’m not really one for clamouring up on my soap box and ranting about the evils of men. I’m quite fond of men, as a general rule. They’re mostly nice to look at and we’d be in a bit of a reproductory bind without them. That being said, I do have one MAJOR pet peeve when it comes to the male of the species.
It’s the hands. Always with the hands! You know what I mean - you go out; you’re dancing in a club; you’re standing at the bar; you’re waiting at a bus stop - and some twat comes along and grabs your ass.
Now, when I go out at night, I like to think I look pretty good. I’m not about to make ScarJo or Angelina lose any sleep - but I don’t scrub up too badly. I know for a fact, however, that I am not hot enough to make grown men lose all sense of proprietary, of decency, of boundaries and be powerless to not reach out and grab at whichever part of me is nearest to them.
I was walking down the street today at about 4pm and some guy, walking in the other direction, poked me in the crotch (with his finger - I don’t live in a porn film!!). At 4 in the afternoon! He wasn’t drunk or noticeably crazy or having of magnets strapped to the end of his fingers that may have been randomly attracted to the metal in my belt. Just a guy, having a stroll and then poking me in the crotch! Like you do!! (And it was intentional)
Actually it doesn’t matter whether he was drunk or whether I’m a stone fox or anything else - it’s still unacceptable. I have been confronted by some of the most beautiful men who have ever set foot on this planet - and never once have I copped a feel of anything. I have also been quite trashed at various points in my life (if you can believe that!!) and again, I have never felt the inclination to get grabby with random passers-by.
It’s not just annoying; it’s down right unsettling in some cases. I’ve had entire nights out that have been ruined by this kind of behaviour - either because some guy’s gotten particularly overly-zealous with his grabbing and left me feeling more violated than vexed or because it turned out to be “Grab a Michelle” night and everyone’s had a go.
And of course - on the odd occasion where I’ve whipped round and been all “Mate, do you mind?!!” - the handyman in question has turned to his mates and gone “Ooooooh!!!” Because, y’know, I’m being such an unreasonable chick and all that.
The weird/worst thing is that it seems to be a fairly universal - I’ve had it happen to me on the street, on buses, in pubs, in shops, in dark, dingy little clubs and gleaming members-only bars. By men young and old, fat and thin. By more than a few men who I would have gladly groped back, if I was that way inclined.
And the thing that baffles me the most about this, is this - what exactly are they expecting will happen after they’ve copped their feel? Please tell me there are not girls out there who go in for that sort of thing. “Oh Mr Man-who-previously-I-didn’t-even-know-existed, you have such firm hands. I will now of course come back to yours and fellate you until the sun comes up. Just let me get my purse!” Yeah, I don’t really see that happening, somehow. I’ve met women who’ll bed anything that moves - and a couple who even view the moving bit as an unnecessary obstacle - but I have never known of anyone going home with a guy because he grabbed her ass while she was standing in the checkout queue at Tesco’s. “Oh, what a lovely story to tell the kids”
It really is entirely unnecessary. Neither the groper or the grope-ee is any better off after the groping has taken place. If you really must show your appreciation for my appearance - buy me drink! That’s much more civilised...and more likely to get you somewhere in the long run!
Image via PandaFix