Is Having Relations With a Step-Sibling Wrong?

By Michelle Tilley

So a few years ago I became a child of divorce. Except not really, because I was 21. So I’m more of an adult of divorce. It's weird - there are all these books and papers and guides on the issues children face when their parents get divorced, but nothing for the issues adults face.

It's like, no one considers the fact that when you’re an adult and both your parents die - you become an orphan. Everyone thinks of orphans as children, with the moon faces and the homes and the “Please sir, I want some more!” But adults become orphans, as well. And they face a whole different crop of issues as a result - much like adults of divorce, although without the death bit.

My parents got divorced and my Mum got a new boyfriend (who coincidently is an orphan, so I didn’t just pull that first paragraph out of my ass - he told me about it) who had two children - a boy who‘s 19 and a girl who‘s eight. And I got all over-excited, because I’m an only child and I’d never had siblings and these were sort of siblings so I called them my “not-so-step-siblings” it was all fun and what not. In true sibling style, they now kind of get on my nerves - but hey ho! Anyway time went by and my Dad got a girlfriend who had two sons - one 24 and one 26. And then some time went by and it was time for me to meet them.

Dad, girlfriend and the 24-year-old son came up to London and we saw Avenue Q - which is brilliant, by the way. So I’m waiting for them at the top of an escalator at King’s Cross and this really hot guy comes up the stairs. And I’m all “Heeellllooooo male nurse!” and then my Dad and his girlfriend come up the stairs behind him and I realised “Oh holy fuck - that’s my new not-so-step-brother!!”

And then earlier today, I met the other one and he’s even hotter. And talks like Christian Bale’s Batman. Which isn’t really important but I just thought I’d share.

So here’s the thing - I looked this up and making with the sexy time with your step-siblings is not actually illegal. And these aren’t even my real step-siblings -- and they probably never will be, because I think after the success of his first try, my Dad is unlikely to ever get married again. But, it’s a little bit weird, right?

Yeah, no, ok - it’s very weird! But to make it worse - I was talking about my predicament on Xmas Eve with my friends and one of them pipes up with the information that she once slept with her Mum’s boyfriend’s son. So I’m all like, “Ok - phew! - it’s not just me” And then she goes ahead and says “And best was that because it was so wrong, the sex was even better!!”

WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO DO TO ME HERE?????!!!!!!!!!!!

How I hadn’t previously considered this is beyond me - but of course it was going to naughty and therefore twice as nice!!! And - carrying on down this lovely little Yellow Brick Road of hypothetically deviant sexual behaviour - I obviously couldn’t tell anybody. So it would be secret sex. And that’s awesome! Seriously, I have two friends who are currently having secret sex - we’ll call them SS1 and SS2 (That’s Secret Sex-Haver 1 and so on..) - and they won’t shut up about how supremely awesome it is!! Oy incesty-vey!

But is it really as wrong as I think it is? It’s unlikely to ever happen as neither of them has really shown much interest in me and they live in a different city and one of them has a girlfriend, but it could still happen or at least come up (all puns obviously intended). These are not my real siblings or even my real step siblings - so it’s nothing like incest. But it is a little bit incest-y and I don’t really think incest is meant to be a matter of degrees. However you look at it, there is an element of wrongness about it. And were my Dad ever to marry his girlfriend then it would all get a little bit Cruel Intentions - and we all know how that turned out!!!

So clearly, I’m going to have to some “alone” time after I’m done writing this. But should it be alone time with a glass of wine and a Divinyls soundtrack or alone time in a padded cell and a course of ECT? Am I getting carried away - or should I be carried off by men in white coats?? What do you think?


POSTED IN: SEX
Tue, 30 Dec 2008 11:00 (GMT+00)
9 Responses
1.

I think it's more socially taboo than it is a question legality. I think that perhaps it is one of those bridges you shouldn't cross... unless you really get attached to one of the hot sons and they feel similarly... then you should talk to your Dad and his girlfriend about it openly before proceeding with any shenanigans.

Kate
Tue, 30-Dec-2008 15:16 GMT
2.

Wow - I guess I'm even more liberal than I realized cause although it would be awkward, I don't see anything wrong with pairing up. When I think of incest, I think of older & younger direct siblings. The combo of blood-bother & sister mating is know to produce wonky results, thus the real basis of it being illegal. But not blood relatives? And not even steps yet? Give it a go. If Woody Allen can marry his (adopted) daughter...

leendadll
Wed, 31-Dec-2008 04:30 GMT
3.

If you meet as adults I can't see a problem with it at all. If you were raised together from a young age then that could be a bit odd for your relatives but still, I don't think it would be incest.

Jaimé
Fri, 02-Jan-2009 11:15 GMT
4.

What is the big deal??? If your divorced Dad fell in love with your step mother at your wedding, would it be a big deal??? What's the difference? Chrnological order of occurence? Or is it the "brother" in "step brother" that bothers you??? Be rational, morals are there for good reasons but I don't see any good reasons to overly refrain your attractions here, unless you feel it could have an effect on your da's relationship or unless you live with them (which would just like going out with your roomate - can get messy if it doesn't work...). That's all...

The only other issue that occurs if these were also your Dad's sons (ie "Half-brothers" and not "step-brothers" conceived with his new girlfriend) would be issues of possible child defects do to genetic issues with intermerriage conception.

marc
Thu, 08-Jan-2009 01:24 GMT
5.

An obvious reason NOT to have sex with a sibling in law is because it is the easiest way to destroy an important family bond.

Don't ever bring your siblings in law into the "ex zone." Do you still have dinners with your ex? Do you guys spend the holidays together? No. Of course you don't. The reason you don't is because things are awkward now. You had sex, spent some time together, realized you don't like the way they fart in bed or you think they're actually stupid, and now sex has made you closer than you should have been. You then broke up and never see them again because it's forever awkward.

You're doing your relatives a huge disservice by having sex in the extended family and everyone will hate you for it. You parents will forever see you as the retarded half-wit who couldn't keep their hormones in check and they will never look at you the same again.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Not only are you being incredibly immature by not seeing how this can affect the family ("WOW - you mean it's not all about me?!") but you are also being completely short sighted.

Oh yeah, and 1 other point: eeeehttp://wwww.

Kyle
Thu, 08-Jan-2009 01:45 GMT
6.

I have actually watched the reverse in action-some kids get together, and their freshly unhitched parents shack up. Way I see it, once you are grown, you include people in your family based on sexual ties as much as genetic relation anyway-your siblings-in-law, for instance. I imagine it might even make the new family unit, never having shared a womb or a roof, actually stick together.

Eric
Fri, 09-Jan-2009 05:52 GMT
7.

I certainly don't think it's wrong, but you might want to be careful. A few moments of ecstasy might not be worth the possible awkwardness later. It's like hooking up with a co-worker--if things don't go well, you're still gonna have to deal with him. It can get messy and tense (and not just for you, but also for those around you, whether it be your proverbial co-workers, or in your case, family members). This guy could some day become a member of your family. I would advise practicing restraint so you're not regretful later.

Leti
Wed, 14-Jan-2009 06:58 GMT
8.

Well I just saw this article and I can totally understand where your coming from. About 6 months ago I turned 16 and lo and behold my father decides to get married.. again. So I find out that his fiancee has two sons and one daughter. Her oldest is Alex, whose 17. We met and I wont deny that he was extremely hot. But he was a total jerk so it kind of made me not like him.
At first it was easy to resist him. He thought he was a god and so did everyone else around him. But that was before we moved in together. Now his room is right next to mine and its slightly akward when I just happen to run into him with no shirt on. (And what a sight it is!) Hes constantly hitting on me (but not because he likes me.. just because he knows it pisses me off.)
Anyways my whole point to this story? I guess in a way Im trying to relate to you so you wont feel so alone. Believe me it sucks when you feel like no one else understands. But really what I am trying to say is I dont think theres anything wrong with it... if you dont live in the same house. Which you clearly dont. And your father isnt even married to this lady so whats the big deal? You cant help it if you feel some attraction to him. My advice is to not worry what other people think. Do what you think is best.
Hope this helps!
-Katrina

Katrina
Mon, 15-Jun-2009 00:02 GMT
9.

Nothing wrong with it but I know where your coming from. Same happened with me when my mum got with her current bloke. 5 years down the line and it's completely normal and me and my mums blokes son are together and have been for 4 years. We kept it quiet for a few months and once we were serious we told them. The reaction wasn't too bad and everyone is now used to it. Just be cautious at first but if he's the one he's the one. Be strong and be happy :-) xx

Sofi
Thu, 31-Mar-2011 14:47 GMT

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