Just recently, my girlfriend went out on a date with some guy she had met through an online dating site. She sent me an e-mail, describing their date. It sounded great, and she said she had a fantastic time. She told me she was “ga-ga” over this guy. At the end of the e-mail, she mentioned how attracted she was to him and that it was tough not to give into her lust, but she didn’t. However, she did say she had him over the next day and that’s when they “sealed the deal”. It got me thinking: Is this how people date nowadays? Is sex on the first date a common occurrence? Has sex replaced the kiss at the front door?

Now, I haven’t been single in a few years, so I only have my own dating experiences to fall back on, and most of those were drunken, sloppy escapades that started out like Sex and the City and ended up like the movie, Barfly. I went through a period after breaking up with a boyfriend, where I dated a bunch of guys I had met online. I was on a mission to find a guy, so I would talk to somebody for a day or two, and then would meet up with him for a date.

As soon as I would walk in, I would know if I liked the person or not, and more often than not, it was the latter. I would introduce myself, plaster on a fake smile, and then proceed to drink my weight in alcohol because I was (a) bored (b) not attracted (c) drowning my sorrows (d) hoping that the drunker I got, the more interesting they would become – and it never worked. I got drunker, and they were just as aggravating, annoying, unappealing, and socially retarded as when I first met them.

The thought of actually sleeping with one of these unfortunate schlubs was a grotesque and sickening idea. There was one guy who asked me what I thought about “us”, and I told him that I didn’t think we had any chemistry, to which he replied: “Well, would you like to come home with me and have sex, then?” He was serious. I think I came close to physically gagging, but instead, I just laughed in a “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” kind of way and then feverishly swigged my margarita.

This particular guy had also told our waitress ridiculous bits of TMI, regarding his last relationship, and at one point, I’m pretty sure he was trying to put the hit on her, as well. He also told me that he wasn’t “gay”, but he had experimented with other men when he lived in France. Check, please! I remember telling my friends later that I had never been on a date where I thought at any moment, somebody was going to jump out and tell me I was on some hidden camera show, and this date was nothing but a huge prank.

Besides those dating horror shows, the last first date I’ve been on was with my current boyfriend, where he picked me up in his shitty car with the broken passenger-side back window, and we ate dinner at a nice restaurant where I drank old-timey drinks and he choked on his steak frites. We had a wonderful time together, but I don’t remember ever thinking that sex should be the next step. It was too soon for me, and I knew I wanted to get to know him without complicating everything by bringing in that physical element.

Is sex on the first date a good thing, or do you think it creates problems in the future? Personally, I feel as if it speeds up the relationship, and it creates more pressure than there needs to be. What happened to getting to know each other and spending time together? Why do people need to jump into the sack so soon? What’s the rush? Some people claim that they don’t want to waste their time getting to know somebody if that chemistry in the bedroom isn’t there. That’s a valid point; however, aren’t these people depriving themselves of one of the best parts about dating: the sexy anticipation of the big night?

Because once you sleep with that person, the mystery is over. There’s nothing left to look forward to. You had sex with somebody you barely know. It’s now become less about bonding and building the relationship and more about when’s the next time you’re going to hit the sheets with each other.

Does sex on the first date make things more complicated, or do you think it just lays the groundwork for a solid, lasting relationship? Has it become expected on a successful first date? And have men’s views on women who have sex on the first date changed, or do they secretly hold onto the opinion that only “sluts” sleep with guys on the first date?

There’s that old adage of men that says if a woman has sex with a man on the first date, then she’s probably had sex with a laundry list of other men on the first date, too: Do the majority of men still think this way? I had a guy friend who would use first date sex as a test. If the girl slept with him on the first date, then he wouldn’t “seriously” date her. She would be put in the “hook-up” category, and the women who didn’t screw him would be put in the “potential girlfriend” section. Gross, I know. He also had a subscription to Maxim and jerked off with Wesson cooking oil, so maybe he’s not the best example.

The reason to abstain from having sex on the first date should not be influenced by men’s virgin/whore complexes. Instead, we women should focus on what matters to us. We need to fully evaluate the situation before jumping into bed with Joe Six-Pack. We should take many things into consideration: What happens if he doesn’t call again? What if after sex, he seems distant or somehow feels pressured? Or, what if he’s a player, and his sole agenda was to get into your pants? How would any of this make you feel?

Always remember that your biggest priority should be you and your feelings.  Be prepared for whatever comes your way. Don’t forget: If you are going to seal the deal on a first date, make sure you’ve sealed your heart first.