Why is it that some people are still obsessed with varied sexual positions? You'd think it was a game - like some kind of potentially orgasmic bingo - the way they go through lists and check off the ones they've tried. Does exploring sex in this way really make it in any way better?
As a teenager, I read many magazines that I thought were aimed at girls older than me, because it made me feel more grown up. Some of these magazines had rather an unhealthy obsession with sexual positions, constantly harping on about which one you should try this particular fortnight or month. More and Cosmo frequently recommended new and supposedly exciting formations of entangling your naked limbs with those of another but all it did was make my friends and I anxious that, when we started having sex, we'd be doing it all wrong.
Thankfully, we soon discovered that the magazines' tips didn't really matter much. As you get to know what works for you and a particular partner, it is good to try out a few different things to see what gets the best results, but reading it off the page as you try to manoeuvre your extremities whilst avoiding cramp is not especially sexy. Instead, most people simply make it up as they go along. Most positions in these books and magazines are simply a variation on one of a handful of basics so, in theory, you can just make your own adjustments.
Trying different positions and angles is necessary in order to get comfortable, push towards orgasm and also to add a bit of variety into your bedroom routine, but remember that it's not a contest. Just because you can't be lifted in the air by your partner, or orgasm whilst balanced on your head, doesn't mean that you're some sort of sexual failure. It means that you are human.
So, ignore the lists. Come up with your own positions and variations, based on what works best for you. Name them if you think it'll make for amusing coded conversations in public with your partner. But for crying out loud - and I do hope your orgasms are that good! - please stop paying attention to daft diagrams in pretentious glossies. You know you're better than that.
Lori Smith is the BitchBuzz Sex & Relationships columnist. When she's not doing practical research for this column, she often blogs and tweetsassorted things.
Image via johnptyler's Flickr photostream