Faded 80s icon, Boy George, was on trial for handcuffing a male escort he had met on a social networking site to his bedroom wall. Right there - the 80s, sex, social networking - some of my favourite things! Doesn’t get anymore prescriptive than that! Another one of my favourite things that can be found within the twisted pages of this tale is handcuffs. Yep - I am fond of the odd bit of bondage here and there.

I would love to sit here and say that it was all the other person’s idea every time - but that would be a lie. What I can say is that I am not into anything extreme - I have never worn a gimp mask, liquid latex, a leash or been whipped and I have similarly never inflicted any of those things on anyone else.

I could possibly be perceived as being a bit of a wuss therefore, and not really qualified to pontificate on this matter. Normally I would argue with this - but instead, I’m going to run with it and I will now present BitchBuzz’s Guide to Bondage for Wusses:

It’s more fun if you don’t use handcuffs.

Despite having driven many a man to distraction by implying I had handcuffs at home, in my bag, erm…..elsewhere - I have actually never owned a pair in my life. This is for several reasons - one, they are expensive; two, they hurt like a mother; three, I am always losing my keys. Instead I always use what’s lying around. Ties and bras are the best two options - they don’t hurt as much as cold, hard steel and they are reasonably secure, without being totally impossible to escape from on your own.

Sex is not and should never resemble any of the following - surgery, a Hester Blumenthal cooking class, nuclear physics.

Or - if you have too much equipment involved, it takes half the fun out of it. Bondage done properly should be exciting and exhilarating. It should be enjoyable for you and your partner - not an ordeal. Build up to shelling out £400 on that whip and matching PVC catsuit. Start with your normal lingerie and... no actually, build up to whipping in general.

Safety words are not for wusses.

These activities should be entered into with someone you trust. You should not need any of the following - a safety word, pepper spray, the police on stand-by. If you feel the need to have any of these things then the chances are that this is not for you. Its ok - nothing to be ashamed of. The most important thing is that you enjoy it.

Asphyxiation

This is a personal favourite of mine - the lack of oxygen going to your brain increases sensitivity and it’s awesome! That being said if you have a fear of that pesky little thing I like to call “death”, try this - move backwards/forwards/sideways until your head is hanging off the side of the bed. Being “upside down” generates the same effect and if at any point you decide enough is enough, you can just lift your head and take a breath. Sorted

Make sure you use words as well as whips.

Talk about it. Before and after. You should always start by explaining what you want and why, and you should always get an explanation from your partner as well. Basically, you want to avoid getting into any situation underpinned by the story of “What Mummy used to do when I was bad” or the doctrine of “All Woman are Inherently Evil” and so on. If it was good, the after conversation probably won’t be necessary, but don’t be afraid to tell someone exactly where they went too far.

And finally... be safe and have fun!