Some days I look at the newsstand and wonder if anyone in a position of influence in a newspaper or magazine company actually knows what sex is. That three-letter word often features prominently on front covers, but the articles behind the headlines rarely contain much of use or interest. Is sex really just a way to sell more copies?
If any poor soul were to get all their information regarding sex solely from mainstream newspapers and magazines, they could be forgiven for thinking that it is either (a) a form of currency, (b) something that must always be 'bigger' and 'better' yet never 'weird', or (c) a glamorous activity that only stylish people take part in.
Other than jokingly, offering sexual favours to a partner to keep them sweet is not usually a thing that happens in a healthy relationship. Consenting adults shouldn't feel they have to do things, yet many magazines perpetuate the myth that sex is some kind of tax or currency within a relationship. People should be fucking each other because they want to, not because they're worried their partner will leave them if they don't!
Cosmopolitan UK's current issue has a cover that asks us how normal our sex life is. Er... define 'normal' please? Seriously, what is 'normal' when it comes to sex? Wouldn't you rather be doing what feels right for you and your partner(s), rather than doing stuff because someone else says you should? OK, so plenty of us like to do things that our friends might raise an eyebrow at, but do your friends actually need to know what you get up to all the time? No, of course not. Normal is subjective, so - if it's safe, sane and consensual - other people's opinions really don't matter.
Even newspapers like the London Evening Standard use sex to try and sell copies, without saying anything interesting or useful about it. The introduction of a sex column could have been a wonderful chance to educate, but instead it was simply used as an excuse to feature large photographs of the glamorous columnist as a way of boosting circulation. It seems that the people who make the decisions are always doing so from a the perspective of money, rather than content.
Yet the fact remains that lots of different types of people have sex in many sorts of ways and we mostly do it purely because it feels good. Surely a better use for so many column inches would be to help us all have more, better, safer sex, rather than making us feel ashamed of ourselves. To their credit, there are some magazines which do offer fantastic advice and it would probably be incredibly difficult to completely do away with attention-grabbing cover lines, but it is still extremely sad that plenty of good opportunities are currently wasted.
Many newspapers have wonderful problem pages and useful sex columns, but these are always tucked away and rarely bragged about on the cover. If they're educational, they're a small piece that's hidden at the back but, if they're titillating, the reader's attention will be drawn in by what is effectively lots of shouting and pointing in text form. Remember the tragic line "SEX! OK, now I have your attention..."? That really does seem to be what they're doing, as the dramatic headlines are usually only backed up with photographs of pretty girls and/or hot guys plus the same dull content that they feature every month.
So, you lovely editors and influential media types, why not try giving a writer who really has something to say on the subject a chance to scream about sex on your front cover? You can discuss emotions, ethics, sexual health, gender issues, sexuality, the porn industry... there really is no need for the same old oral technique tips under a new heading. It is a subject so broad, you will always have something interesting to print. Plus, you never know, you might actually provide your readers with something that's genuinely useful too.
Lori Smith is a sex-positive feminist who, once she gets started, has plenty to say about all things carnal. If you want to read more, you can find her here every Friday or over on her blog, Rarely Wears Lipstick.