Why are most people so goal oriented when it comes to sex? It's as
if someone wrote a set of instructions that said we have to get from A
to B as quickly as possible, with no scenic routes allowed. Is orgasm
really the only way to obtain satisfaction through sex, and are
the usual methods the only routes to achieve this anyway? Probably
not. If you're short on time and are therefore after a quickie, I can
see why you might want to skip to the end, but otherwise... why not
try something different?
Instead of a bit of foreplay followed by oral sex and then
penetration, why not stick with the foreplay for even longer?
Remember when you were just starting out on your sexual journey and
were too scared to take the initiative and move on to the next 'base', so you just waited for your partner to
take things further? Remember how thrilling it was to wait? Well,
that intense level of excitement and anticipation can be yours again
by simply concentrating on what may be considered foreplay for a bit
longer than you would usually. Keep your clothes on: kiss, rub,
stroke, caress and then touch. If you hold back for a bit,
chances are that something as simple as mutual masturbation might end
up feeling a bit more intense than usual.
If this all sounds like too much hard work, and you're not really
sure what to do with your fingers once they're on your partner in
order to truly get them off, perhaps you should begin by touching yourselves for
each other? Watching your partner masturbate can be a fantastically
erotic sight and will also teach you a thing or two about how they can
reach orgasm through manual stimulation alone. If you're going to
learn something, however, it's perhaps best to watch each other one at
a time rather than get too distracted!
Limiting yourselves to oral sex may seem like a daft idea for some,
but for others it's actually a great way to achieve better orgasms. A
clitoral orgasm is quite different to a vaginal one, and some women
cannot truly orgasm from penetration alone, so lingering at this vital
step rather than moving on might be better for her. For him... well,
few men turn down a blow job, right? As long as you cover your teeth
and listen for feedback on what's good, of course. Aim to improve
your technique - e.g. by making things as wet as possible and using
fingers too - rather than abandoning hope and simply moving onto
fourth base. Focus on each other by alternating, or perhaps try it
together. The position known as 69 is nowhere near as bad as some
people claim and, for those of you enjoying sex with guys, it can
actually be much easier to swallow a cock when you are
orgasming yourself.
After all this kissing, rubbing, touching and licking, you may end
up in a rather dreamy post-orgasmic bliss yet also ready to get back
to it after a short break and try something else. And why not? After
expending so much less energy than penetrative sex usually involves,
who wouldn't be ready for round two after a quick drink and a bit of a
chat? Set a few hours aside and play the long game next time. I
promise you, you won't regret it.
Image via robinrkc's Flickr photostream